he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
