I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
