My liver just broke up with me...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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