I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
