Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
