I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
