Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
