just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
