So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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