Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
