Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
