he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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