It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
