My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
