I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
