I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
