I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
