Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
