As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
