so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
