this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Congratulations! We have a period
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
