I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
