So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
