okay pat passed out under dana's car
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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