Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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