We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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