the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
