He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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