I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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