Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
