How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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