He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
