I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
