You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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