If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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