I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
