Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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