WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
