now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my sisters under your porch take her home
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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