How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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