WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
