Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
