thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
