remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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