I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
