i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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