hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
