I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
