How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
