i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
