Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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