i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
