im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
be right there i have to get my cape
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
