I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he was CRYING into my vagina
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
