All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
